Sunday, September 25, 2011
- anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
September 20
- i refuse to date, because i'm not investing that much time into a new slampiece
- Thursday
- (310):
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
(414):
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
(251):
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
(651):
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thursday
- (330):
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Thursday
- (978):
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thursday
- (262):
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
- (225):
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Thursday
- (269):
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thursday(541):
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Thursday
- the key to our hearts is to strategically ignore the fact that we’re hot shit and subtly insult us. Every betch knows the only thing hotter than a good actual fuck is a quality mind fuck.
2 seconds ago- (334):
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
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