distant

the line between reality and fantasy has a officially been crossed.
i really have no concept of either anymore.
i'm embracing it though.
because what the fuck is reality anyways.
it's a herd.
it's a general thing. accepted by the masses. never questioned because it's always been so generally accepted that what we know is real. and so few try to get beyond whats real and into what could be real.
what isnt seen. those random thoughts floting around our heads. daydreams. linked to something it's impossible to think you would actually know. obbsessing about things you arent sure actually happened.
wanting it to happen. even though knowing if such events occured it would be like throwing a gernade into myour perfectly developed but medicore life.
don't you ever get those fantasies?
you know the ones about the men who could ruin you, if they even remeber you.
 you try to replace them with the boys who love  you, but once you want to dance with the devil,  even the thoughts of seeing these boys more then once seems useless.
it's all about what you can't have.
it's those boys who love boys.
it's the marrried men.
it's the drag queens.
it's the dead celebrities.
it's the alive the celebritiies.
they're blinding. they take over your mind.
you close your eyes.
the distant. the unattainable.
keeping a faithful thought while with the boys straight as arrows is impossible.
your mind drifts. fantasies become reality. you forget who your with. and why.
then your gone.
and you can't come back.
because you don't know where you were lost to begin with.
or how you got there.
 you just know your gone.
and your body becomes a soul less shell.
but maybe thats all you were to begin with.
a voyeur.
watching yourself trying to see what you'll do next. lost in your reality.  numb to actuality.
hollow to the core. because your minds to big to be trapped in your head.
talking doesnt make sense. because it's hard to say if the people are real.


i'm sorry to say my geniuses. but daydreamer is one gust away from floating off.
since i've been little i've found myself wandering.
sometimes i wake up in the middle of daydreams with no clue where i am.
i need a handle. a harness. to keep me here.
because i just float farther away without one.
but i don't know how to hold on.
but i dont think i want to become  attached. to reality.
my daydreams create a nice barrier between my mind and the herd.
all those sad people with their sad  goals for marriage and steady jobs. food on the table.
the same man for 30 years. who jut leaves for a daydreamer in the end.
it's tragic.
these people with thier mortgages and cars.
the woman who wear their night gowns all day. obbsessing about their exes. thinking thier entitled to alimony.
or the even sadder woman who waits up with lipstick on and sherry poured waiting for pity sex from thier over worked husbands.
seriously.
thats it.
the reality.
mcdonalds. cheep beer.steady jobs. and reproducing.
i'm never to become grounded ever.