i need to read my thoughts.
xoxo

cocaine.

fantastic drug.

blacking out

blacking out and bitching out.
ever wake up and various people are mad at you for the night before...
even though you have no idea what happened and no business knowing what happened?


well. to be honest, true champs blackout more then they black in and they manage to not piss everyone off.
say your sober thoughts.
be nice otherwise.
or don't be suprised when you wake up friendless.
also, never eat blacked out.
you've consumed enough calories via liquid happiness.
xoxox
trash_class

fight club

i used to worship that movie.
i thought it was the shit.
call me an underdog lover. who cares
but honestly. fuck that
i just realized how sad it is to invent an imaginary friend cooler then you.
thats not okay.
it's not okay to let your pretend friend beat you at your own game.
and if you're the person who blindly follows the man who gets beaten by his pretend friend.
wtf is wrong with you.
good movie.
well made.
excellent plot twist.
but fuck that.

skins

• • anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
    
    Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
• 
  

  September 20

  
  

  • i refuse to date, because i'm not investing that much time into a new slampiece

• Thursday

  
  

  • (310):
    
    When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
    
    (414):
    
    I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
    
    
    (251):
    
    Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
    
    
    (651):
    
    She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
• 
  

  Thursday

  
  

  • (330):
    
    She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
• 
  

  Thursday

  
  

  • (978):
    
    He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
• 
  

  Thursday

  
  

  • (262):
    
    put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone

• 
  

  • (225):
    
    I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
• 
  

  Thursday

  
  

  • (269):
    
    I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
• 
  

  Thursday

  (541):

  • 
    I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
• 
  

  Thursday

  
  

  • the key to our hearts is to strategically ignore the fact that we’re hot shit and subtly insult us. Every betch knows the only thing hotter than a good actual fuck is a quality mind fuck.
• 
  

  2 seconds ago

  • (334):
    
    I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.

taking a break from my bender to write it down.

sorrry. i've be like um wasted since may.
but i can only get so many duis, trips to the drunk tank, and fuck so many people before i have the serious need to share it with the world via internet.
anyway betches i'm posting again.
it's fucking time.
and do i ever have stories.
umm and a great tan. and um. alcoholic shakes.


remember life is all about getting whatever the fuck you want using minimal effort.

kisses my top betches.

i'm too hungover right meow to be literate.

mickey

if i eat this i will just have to throw it up later.....




hello dilemma.


guess ill just have to munch on Valium, diet coke and cigarettes.


love life.


summer diet.


way of life?

its not that im against marriage. its just that im for logic.

alll night long until we both bleed.

boys. should. be easy.

im on an andre legacy kick.
seriously.
hes amazing.
i just want something new from his beautiful self.
but i wanted to blog.
because i just want to say.
you beautiful people.
boys. should. be easy.
life is so hard.
so hard. you have to go to school you have to work you have so much responsibility.
the easiest. thing. ever. should be boys. they should love you. you shouldnt have to think about then you shouldnt have to worry about them, they should be like drugs. they should be easy. not something you have to work for or make an effort to get. they should be so fucking easy.
thats the point.
they are like drinking.
and drugs,
they should be easy and a tad natural. you shouldnt have to think at all.
they should pursue you. and you should never have to work for it. okay. fact
the boys should be easy.
lifes too hard as it is.

road dome

please. beautiful people. tell me your remember your first time. 
i was beyond wrecked for mine so i dont really. 
i just mostly remember thinking holy fuck this shit hurts and i passed out three times.
out cold. down for the count. looking back i wonder wtf is wrong with the guy who took my virginity. then i remember  he was a boy in high school. of course hes going to go for it. thats like they're specialty. 
but anyway. if your still a virgin heres a few tips that could help make the experience less of a shit show.
1. dont pretend to know what your doing. 
2. dont take copious amounts of oxy chased with weed.
3. dont be sober. thats just so much more painful and memorable.
4. dont pretend its special.... its not. at all. its just sex. virgin or not.
5. dont day drink prior..... the wetter the better. and being really dehydrated does not soothe the pain of a ripped vagina. 
6. lube cant hurt-it can only help.
7. use a condom.
8. smoke after
9. weed plus sex is great.
10. make sure the guys hot..... chances are youll vaguely remeber him for years to come. 
11. do it somewhere comfortable where you can make noise
12. foreplay is a virgin must. cannot stress enough the importance of being wet. 
i was dry as a bone because i couldnt feel anything with all the oxy in my system. and my god. 
my hair practically stood up and i screeched.
it was horrible. 
13. be skinny. you want to look hot.
14. dont try ten million new positions. take it easy. you have your whole life for reverse cowboy.
15. music!!! have something playing. the sounds are pretty horrifying for the first time.
16. there will be blood. if your an athlete like me then not much. but you could bleed a teensy bit. 
17. be shaved. 
18. experienced guys are the way to go. 
19. i fucked someone else after my vag recovered from losing my virginity... probaly three days.
it was actually genius. i didnt get attached at all. 
20. keep doing it till its fun.
21. do remeber its suppose to be fun and it will be. 
the second that vag is torn feel free to get wild. 
just be careful.
you are your own worst enemy in these situations.
practice makes purrfect my darlings.
and if you arent fucking yet.
its time to start. 
fuck waiting for the perfect man.
do it when your readyyy 
cos it gets realllyyy fun :)

funny. funny.